Coping in difficult times

What is the secret to a happy life?We cannot rely on feelings. As happiness is the opposite of sadness it is necessary for us to experience both emotions to really know what happiness is. I believe it’s contentment we should be seeking, finding pockets of joy where we can and as much as possible.

For me it’s the little things, a sunny walk, the first hot drink on a morning, a hot bath after a long day.Forgetting joy in the pursuit of the perfect life is easily done. We have all been down the familiar route of quick fixes and metaphysical sticking plasters. Times are difficult for all of us right now. The harsh reality is there will always be a challenge ahead and whilst it may not be as big as a world pandemic, tools to cope better are always needed but putting some basics in place can make life feel much less challenging.

I learnt this lesson the hard way.Over the years I have tried all kinds of ways to make myself feel better, including all the usual things of over-doing the booze and shopping for the next new thing that I thought would improve my life.In the moment they always feel good but that feeling quite quickly fades, especially when dealing with a Force 10 hangover!

After the initial buzz has receded, the void you were attempting to fill is still empty. The interesting situation currently is apart from a weekly visit to the local supermarket (or not even that for some people) some of our consumer habits been taken away. Of course, you can shop online but it’s not quite the same, the interaction and the social elements are removed. It does make you wonder if human behavior will change for good? But if it’s interaction we need we have found different ways to be social, park meet ups with a friend for a walk in the fresh air is pretty much our only option right now- As limiting as that sounds I know that I would choose that over a full day shopping in a busy department store anytime.

The fitness industry has not always been my chosen profession, I used to be a chef working in high pressure environments. The culture was destructive to say the least. Long days running on poor food choices, getting little or no natural day light, and going to the pub for drinks on a break. This was not sustainable, and I witnessed lots of people (including myself) burn out! The main issue here was having little or no control over my environment. I had to eat what was available to me and behaved in a way that helped me fit into the social norm. Even though the situation we face currently is problematic to say the least there are some positives (believe it or not!). With most of us working from home now we have the advantage of controlling our space. Less time commuting gives us more time to move naturally. We can stock the cupboards and fridge with food items that nourish and help us, and there isn’t the office biscuit-pusher to contend with! We have choices.

Around 12 years ago exercise came into my life. The first time I walked into a gym I felt so uncomfortable, I had flashbacks of being stood waiting in line at school to be picked for a team sport. I was overweight, unfit and a smoker. I did not feel like I fitted in. In my head gyms and exercise were for other people.

It was a slow burner to begin with but after a couple of years I was doing gym classes and loving it. I had lost weight and changed my appearance, it felt good. In my mind I was being “healthy”. The reality was I was working full time, doing high impact classes 4-5 times per week, drinking too much alcohol at the weekend, plus my relationship with food was not healthy. Guess what? Burn out No.2!

Each one of us has our own personal struggles each day. Throw in Covid-19 and life can feel like walking through mud in concrete wellies. I am now a qualified fitness professional, and this has impacted on my mindset and my approach to my own life. I prioritise sleep, good food, and exercise. I weight train twice a week and run 3 times a week, the time and distance vary depending on my energy levels. If my energy is particularly low, I choose a long walk instead. I also now make sure I incorporate yoga into my daily routine, just 10 minutes every morning is sustainable and makes a massive difference. Take care of the mind first and the body will take care of itself.

This relationship with looking after myself is here to stay. It’s the real deal. All the staples are there - consistency, stability, understanding, comfort and fun. I feel good about myself and accepted for who I am no matter what I’m going through and there is always a compromise to suit my mood. Exercise and food are there to help you, make you feel good and make life feel better. Having an exercise and eating regime that is making you feel knackered and grumpy isn’t going to help. This is an indication you may need to relax your own rules.

Really what I’m getting at is dramatic changes put in place too quickly can be traumatic, this isn’t great for mental or physical health. Because ultimately, we have all done it, desperately tried to change too many things all at once. Fast forward sometime later and you have dropped all your new habits and feel like a massive failure. Small changes incorporated over time is a realistic and effective approach. Have one less glass of wine a night, cook one new meal a week. Commit to the smallest change you can manage, and you will not fail yourself. You can build from there.

If I were to plonk a huge pile of books in front of you and said, “read all these books this year, they will help you change your life”, you would feel overwhelmed and not know where to begin. But if I were to give you one book and said, “read one chapter a day” You would think ok I can do that. Ironically, you would probably end up reading more books that year.

Things that we cannot control like a global pandemic, conflict in other countries, and how other people choose to behave can leave you feeling frustrated and helpless. Focusing on what you can control in your own life is a simple and effective solution.

Here are a few ideas of areas you can take control of today.

1. Stay hydrated - aim to drink at least 2ltrs of water a day. Being dehydrated can make us anxious and encourage poor food choices.

2. Good quality sleep is one of the simplest ways we can improve our mood and maintain a healthy weight. Alcohol effects normal sleep cycles so having a few nights off a week can be a good idea. Limit screen time on an evening and avoid caffeine.

3. Movement really is medicine. Moving every day boosts our immune system. Walking, running, dancing, cycling, and yoga are all brilliant ways to move. Find something you enjoy. Listen to a podcast or some uplifting music. I guarantee you will feel better.

4. Get outside! Natural daylight is great for mental health and of course vitamin D. Vitamin D is vital to help us absorb calcium. We all need to look after our bone health.

5. Plan and cook a nice meal. Get a cookery book out and choose one new recipe. Good nutrition is going to help us maintain a healthy immune system and prevent lockdown weight gain.

6. Connect with people on the phone. All though we cannot meet with friends and family we still have video/phone calls. We all need to feel connected and like we belong.

7. Find some post it notes and write on “Three things I feel happy about today,” stick it on the mirror next to your toothbrush. Breaking negative thinking cycles can have a positive effect on our mood.

8. Have a cinema night at home and get the popcorn out! Watch a funny film or box set. Laughing is good for the soul and is needed more than ever right now.

9. Make sure you are prioritising healthy sources of protein and plenty of fruits and vegetables in your everyday diet, at the same time it’s important not to deny yourself things that comfort you i.e. chocolate, cake etc, as long as it’s in sensible amounts and that they genuinely make you feel good.

We are all still going to have difficult days ahead but having tools like these can lessen the blow. There’s light at the end of this long Covid-19 tunnel. We can get through this if we are kind to ourselves and each other.

#copingwithcovid #mentalhealth #stressbustingtips