What does the word compassion mean?

It's that feeling that arises when we see someone else suffering and feel motivated to help. But today, I want to talk about self-compassion—being kind to ourselves and making allowances for our own struggles. Basically, it's about not being too harsh on ourselves.

I'll be the first to admit that self-compassion hasn't always been my strong suit. I've

found it easy to be compassionate towards others, but not so much towards myself. I bet many of you can relate. We often over-promise to others (or ourselves) and end up feeling like we've let people down. It's a tough feeling to deal with, but why does this happen?

It often starts with setting unrealistic expectations that we can't meet. When we inevitably fall short, we feel like failures. That feeling is incredibly unpleasant, so naturally, we want to avoid it. A classic example is when people decide to make drastic lifestyle changes: "I'm going to go to the gym five times this week, throw out all the crisps and chocolate, and cut out alcohol for a month." Honestly, I'd struggle with that regime, and I love exercise! Plus, I also love crisps, chocolate, and wine.

Before we dive into the finer details, a good question to ask is: "Can I see myself doing this in a year?" If the answer is no, it's probably worth reconsidering for a more sustainable approach. We want to feel like we have choices. Enjoying the things we love is crucial for our mental well-being. The pendulum approach—swinging from one extreme to another—leads to frustration and won't bring the desired results in the long term.

Accepting where we are right now and making choices based on our current circumstances is a much more helpful way to plan our lives. When it comes to exercise, there will be times when life gets in the way, and we can't meet our commitments. It's vital to be realistic about this and make allowances. For example, if I know next week is going to be busy, I might aim to exercise at least twice and go for a 15-30 minute walk each day. Giving ourselves flexibility reduces the risk of feeling like we've failed and giving up altogether.

Setting realistic goals creates positive experiences and helps establish new habits we enjoy. I like the snowball analogy—starting small and building momentum. Consistency is key when it comes to forming new health and fitness habits. On the flip side, we need to accept times when we can't eat as well as usual or have to skip a workout, and understand that it's not a disaster. A good rule of thumb is: if you're someone who usually skips workouts, try to fit it in if you can. If you're generally consistent, then you probably need to take the rest.

One thing I've been guilty of neglecting is taking time out for myself to de-stress, like going for a walk in nature, getting a massage, or doing yoga. Whatever your thing is, it's going to help you handle life's challenges better. I often forget to do these small acts of kindness for myself when I'm feeling good, and then when a tough patch hits, it hits hard and takes a lot of energy to get back on track. A quote I love to highlight this is: "You don't throw a compass overboard because the ocean is calm."

I'd love for you to think of one thing to focus on this week that might need your attention. Here are some examples, but feel free to come up with your own:

• Getting better sleep

• Drinking more water

• Increasing your daily steps

• Taking time out each day to do something relaxing

• Adding more veggies to your evening meal